the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
