jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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