I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
