my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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