I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
