And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
