It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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