He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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