apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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