I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
