I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
