Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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