Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
