I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the day after is always just damage control
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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