I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
