Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i think i just lost a toe
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
