Only a mothe r could love this liver
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
