I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
