so explain again why im purple
no
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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