you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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