why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
