check it out our google latitudes are spooning
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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