My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
