giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
