I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
