If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish you could order shots online.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
