The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
