I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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