Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
