Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
