All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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