"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
