mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
