I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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