Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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