OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
