Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
