I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
