Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
