my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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