my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
