He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
