There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
