Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
