opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
