Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just want nice things and good sex
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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