Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think I just sharted jello shots
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