Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
