An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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