Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
