i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
